I very much appreciate you coming to our house to take photos of our children. However, there are three points I would like to address; you may want to consider rectifying these issues for future customers:
1. When you claim that you can include both children in our baby’s photo shoot, please clarify on the phone that this means that you will take only one photo that includes both children – and a bit of a sloppy one, at that. Had we known this, we might have chosen not to put our toddler in his Sunday best and asked him to sit on the couch, bored but clean and unrumpled, until you arrived, for just one picture.
2. You are a child photographer, and as such, must realize that children, especially very young ones, do not do as they are asked for photos. Even if you are losing patience with the five-week-old who will not keep her head at the tilt in which you placed it, will not keep her eyes open, and will not stop sucking her arm, do not make this known to the parents or children by verging on shouting “No!” at the child. Maybe I exaggerate – but to our ears, your tone was definitely akin to shouting.
3. Chew gum. Eat a box of mints. Whatever it takes – just please, do not fill two rooms of our house with a stench which was so strong that my husband, mystified and disgusted, checked our toddler’s pants, then under the dog’s tail, and finally peeked at the bottom of your shoes while you were kneeling to see if you might have tracked something in, before finally lighting a candle in misery to at least try to mask some of the offending odor. I am sorry if you have halitosis, I really am, and I do not make a point of ridiculing those with the problem. I just think that as a professional photographer, you should at least have fresh breath when you are going to be in close proximity to my children, breathing in their faces.